Session Topics

Session 1: Assessment of the Situation 

Sometimes we miss what is right in front of us as we reflect on the past or wonder/worry/plan for the future. In order to get where we want to go, we need to know where we are. 

Concepts explored: The Power of Appreciation; Mindfulness; Core Values; Generating Possible Futures; Being with What Is.

What we will talk about:

• The “Story of Us” – each of you will share what brought you to the program and what you’d like to get out of participation
• The background story of how “the Law” regards committed partnerships
• Possible futures - those creations are in process and those that want to be born
• Fears and concerns - to get them out in the open rather than hiding in the closet

Session 2: Oval Overlap and Possible Futures

Contrary to what we hear in pop culture, your partner is not “your everything.” What if everything in your life dances between being a shared experience to an individual one? Partnership with another can make it easier to contribute your gifts and talents to the collective well-being of the world. We will explore what inspires you – individually and as a couple.

Concepts explored: Autonomy and interdependence; Ancestral Patterns of Partnership.

What we will talk about:

• What is in the oval overlap? This represents those areas of life where the two of you come together
• What is important to you as an individual and how much/ what do you need from your partner to thrive in those areas?
• Identify past patterns of breakdown and explore the possible origins of them
• Possibility and probability of marriage (because it has legal implications)
• A fun and easy way to characterize your personal “breakdown style” and a way to transform it. 

Session 3: Yours, Mine and Ours – The Basic Money Conversation 

Couple-hood and finances. Starting with assets and debts, we will look at the degree to which you have already combined finances, each person’s comfort level with that and then move into whether or not (or the degree to which) it needs to change. Money conversations can be very triggering – so we look for triggers and practice dealing with them.

Concepts explored: Financial Net Worth; Personal Gifts and Talents; the Value of Attention and Intention

What you’ll learn:

• How to identify joint projects and how to talk about financing them
• Framework for weaving the yin-yang of each of your gifts and talents.
• Steps to take when facing a difficult conversation.

Session 4: Going with the Flow

We pick up where Session 3 leaves off. Assets and debts result from how you manage cash flow. Spending less than you make results in savings. Spending more than you make results in debt. If marriage is on the horizon (or has already happened), this is a very important conversation. Connecting how we regard and manage resources – money, time, attention – with values, goals and what inspires us can make all the difference in the world.

Concepts explored: Communication; Embodiment; Flow vs. Struggle

What we will talk about:

• Ancestral patterns around money, wealth, prosperity, abundance
• Past patterns of saving and spending and comfort level with that
• The degree to which finances line up with things in the oval overlap
• How getting married (or not) plays into these decisions
  

Session 5: Sex and Children – Usually in that Order 

If there is no sexual attraction, you’d be calling the other person your “roommate” or a “friend.” So – we talk about current practices, frequency and satisfaction and how that contributes to or detracts from lasting romantic partnership. Children – do you have them already? Does either person want them? This very important aspect of life needs to be examined to create a powerful shared vision. 

Concepts explored: Sexual compatibility; Intimacy practices; Co-parenting Philosophies; Stepfamily Dynamics.

What you’ll learn:

• How to identify your sexual preferences and communicate them effectively
• General legal concepts regarding child-bearing and child-rearing
• General estate planning concepts to help communicate with adult children

Session 6: Oval Overlap and Your Covenant

There is great power in taking responsibility for creating your own life. When you join with another, there are implied promises and some express promises. Allow them to devolve to a “quid pro quo” contract zaps them of the joy. Really tapping into what you want to GIVE and creating vows to express that is much more enlivening. Using clear communication building on previous sessions, this conversation is about commitment. What can you count on the other for? And let’s make it fun.

Concepts explored: Contract versus Covenant; Vows and Promises.

What we will talk about:

• Did the program fulfill on the intentions that each of you set out in the beginning?
• What are each of you excited about giving to the other?
• Clearly articulated acknowledgment of the possibility and probability of marriage
• A fun and easy way to keep the Intentional Relationship Design Process alive