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Affirmations and Alignment

Wed, 10 Jan 2024 17:36:30 GMT

Affirmations have been a part of my life since 1986 when I did a retreat at the Cenacle Retreat Center and learned the scriptural basis for using the spoken word. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

Since then, I have seen affirmations “work” and “not work.” Visualization can make them more effective – sometimes. Another philosophy says do not be attached to the outcome.

Something that seems true to me – when we affirm something, we align with it energetically. I like to think that, if our will is aligned with Divine Will, it manifests. If it doesn’t show up exactly as we wanted it to – well, that was not part of the Divine Plan. Looking from the heart – how do we interpret the “evidence” of whether or not it manifested?

Here is an example. In 1998, I had been married for six years and left my law firm job to be primary parent to our three-year-old son. Looking for part-time teaching work, one of the applications had an essay question: Describe your vision of how you’d like your life to be.

I started writing and it flowed. “I live in a world where spiritual and archetypal energies are valued and honored.” (My world view integrates astrology and metaphysics with traditional Christianity and yogic traditions.) “I am a teacher. I am a catalyst for positive change in the world. I empower people and open them to finding their true purpose in Life. On a daily basis, I work with like-minded people, and we share community.”

It went on to describe my relationship with my “partner for life” and children (“I have at least two happy, healthy children…”) and money and travel. It concluded with “a picture of the day” that starts with cuddling in bed with someone and ends with going to bed and having wonderful dreams.

Over the years, I have kept this “Vision” even though the circumstances of my life have changed. The words have been slightly modified (see other blog posts about that) but the essence stays. In 1998, I thought that I would be empowering people by coaching them. Turns out that, aligning with divine will, my career took me to practicing law holistically with a future-focus where divorce is often a catalyst for people to find their true purpose. My law firm empowers people to make their own agreements so that they can build healthy new lives, prosper financially and co-parent children effectively.

The people I work with are amazing! Both the people on the TFL team, Yvonne, Patti, Shayna, Sandra, Rebecca and the other collaborative professionals who help families. The teaching part – that is getting expanded. Keep your eyes open. And know that it all aligns with my version of the Divine Plan.

The Future is Not Fixed

Thu, 30 Dec 2021 14:34:53 GMT

In the beloved classic, A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge travels to his past, to another person's present and to one of his futures.

Not "THE" future - "A" future.

After seeing the consequences of his actions, the consequences of the default way he had been operating, Scrooge decides to change. The story inspires us because he wakes up to how his behavior influences the lives of others. He releases the old way of being and embraces a new way.

People flock by the hundreds to see productions of A Christmas Carol this time of year. I've seen it several times and still appreciate the magic of transformation.

It is ART. And it has a scientific basis.

Quantum field theory says that there are always multiple futures. I love Brian Greene and recommend watching The Elegant Universe on PBS based on his book of the same title. More and more people acknowledge the possibility that we live in a multi-verse, not a universe.

I regard Scrooge's story as a soul-journey. As he travels through time, his soul (the higher identity) brings his ego (the more dense identity) to one possible future. As we watch the story in linear time, we assume that he is stuck with his future - that we are stuck with our future. But the story tells us otherwise. Not only is this an entertaining story, the mechanics of his movement through time can be understood from a scientific perspective. If "he" is a point of consciousness, rather than a personality, then "he" could observe the consequences of one set of choices and make new ones. Different consequences would arise - hence the happy ending.

Whether you agree with me or not - consider - what is the most likely future you are creating? Can you see it as one of many possible futures, or are you feeling trapped and stuck?

Pretend that you are like Charles Dickens - the author of your life - and experiment with different "endings." Then, pick the one you like best and live as if that is "the future." I'm not saying it will turn out exactly as you plan or see it, but you will be moving in the direction of your dreams.

Happy Holidays!

Theresa

Respectfully Exploring the Quantum Field

For many years, my friend, Therese Rowley, has been a pioneer in intuitively reading and healing in the quantum field. A strategic change management consultant with a solid spiritual foundation, Therese brings a unique perspective to our everyday challenges and opportunities. Recently, she has developed courses to teach others the Rowley Method. I encourage anyone who is curious to check out her website and consider attending one of her upcoming classes.

Is Travel in Your Future?

I recently reconnected with Tammy Weiler, a friend from high school. She founded Singles Travel International to create travel experiences and unique opportunities for solo travelers who want to see the world. When the pandemic put a damper on travel, Tammy cranked up online activities where singles could network, connect and learn new things. The average member is 48-65 years old, professional and worldly. The mission of STI is to create memorable vacation experiences and build a community where members can connect and build friendships, both close to home and around the world.

A BEAUTIFUL LEGACY

Fri, 04 Sep 2020 14:45:13 GMT

A BEAUTIFUL LEGACY

By Theresa Beran Kulat

Suburban Life Magazine January 2015

What carries on after we

are gone? Our children?

Grandchildren? A work of art?

A business? A bank account?

Charitable foundations?

Garnering financial wealth to pass down to one’s children can be one form of legacy. Tradition-ally, that has been the case. If that’s your goal, you will probably seek out good financial advisors, read investment books and become proficient in saving and investing. Our country boasts plenty of folks who succeed at leaving money to their children.

As you begin a new year, look at other forms of legacy. After retirement, my aunt took painting classes. Her works – mostly flowers and other still life images – evoke many beautiful feelings when I look at them. Her children and grandchildren get to enjoy them all the time. She left a beautiful legacy.

Another form of legacy that I have witnessed flows from doing spiritual work. People who choose to do yoga, pray the rosary, or work a 12-step program to break dysfunctional cycles. Having been raised in high stress families where an unconscious future would have simply perpetrated pain, these people give their children and communities the opportunity for new healthy futures that otherwise would have been impossible.

I admire the man who took his father’s small business and built it into multiple businesses, run with integrity, and which provide jobs and generate income for his family. He created a legacy that will generate financial resources for his family and support local charities. My heart sings when I read Facebook posts from friends (some of whom are former clients) celebrating the success of their children – graduations, proms, weddings, new babies.

All of these experiences help me explore – what will be my legacy?

Walking home from a babysitting job in the seventh grade, I thought to myself, “The world needs good people. I want to be the mother of good kids.” As an adult, reflecting on that thought, it pointed to a legacy I wanted to create – children nurtured so they could carry on with more good thoughts, words and deeds. Now with two teenagers of my own, I feel that I’ve done that.

What will your legacy be?

- Theresa Beran Kulat is the founder and lead attorney at Trinity Family Law, P.C. She has focused on Collaborative Practice and mediation since 2003 and limits her practice to settling cases. www.TrinityFamilyLaw.com

The Power of the Watermelon Seed

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 22:02:11 GMT

In 1925, during the famous Scopes Monkey Trial that took place in Tennessee, two famous lawyers, Clarence Darrow and William Jennings Bryan, got philosophical. Bryan once said:

"I have observed the power of the watermelon seed. It has the power of drawing from the ground and through itself 200,000 times its weight. When you can tell me how it takes this material and, out of it, colors an outside surface beyond the imitation of art and then forms inside of it a white rind and within that again a red heart, thickly inlaid with black seeds, each one which in turn is capable of drawing through itself 200,000 times its weight - when you can explain to me the mystery of a watermelon, you can ask me to explain the mystery of God."

The trial and the quote point to a tension between the "scientific objective" world and the "mysterious spiritual" world.

I founded Trinity Family Law becuase I know that those objective, legal details must be attended to while at the same time, we acknowledge and honor the internal transformation that takes place as we do our legal work. To support these other areas of growth, I established Trinity Collaboration, Inc. to serve needs that fall outside of the practice of law.

In these newsletters, I will share events in the sidebar and other useful resources.

May you find inspiration in the world around you and plant a few seeds of your own!

All the best,
Theresa

Death = the End of a Cycle

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 14:35:23 GMT

Spring 2020

Death = the End of a Cycle

Please don't take this the wrong way but... everything alive eventually dies. We can use death as the impetus to honor life. Our planet operates on cycles within cycles within cycles. The Earth goes around the sun. The moon goes around the Earth. We breathe in and out constantly. Blood circulates through the circulatory system. I could go on and on with examples but I think you get what I mean.

COVID-19 has killed our way of life. However you viewed life and experienced it before, it has fundamentally changed. Without enough test kits, people are living in fear. The lack of clear information has led people to panic and hoard. The chaos has settled down a bit where I live as local leaders work to keep communities informed and new voices emerge to bring us together. I have highlighted some of these resources below.

In the midst of all this shifting, my ability to stay calm is vital. My meditation practice keeps me grounded. I see the value of managing stress so that my immune system can stay strong. Connecting virtually with like-minded people has been very helpful, too.

Some folks are going within. Some are stepping up. I've adapted at work and at home. May we all find a new normal that is healthy and generative. Let's bring our best selves to each day and, together, help one another create a better world.

Be still. Be safe. Be well.

Theresa

P.S. I wrote this newsletter earlier this week. Today there were more emotions, new thoughts, and I wanted to change the whole thing. By the time you read this, I will probably be in a completely different place. The key is to stay centered. Good luck! Best wishes.

Valuing Freedom

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 13:56:04 GMT

Spring 2018

Valuing Freedom

Have you heard of the "freedom-closeness dilemma"? In astrology, it's the Leo-Aquarius polarity. Leo representing the King, the status quo, security. When a society is stable, its members feel safe. Rules create clear boundaries. Within the boundaries of a healthy monarchy, there is lots of freedom. Yet the boundaries represent the limits. If a society/ culture/ kingdom become tyrannical, the Rebel will emerge. This archetype represents discontent, innovation, risk-taking action. Throwing off the shackles makes for good theater. Consider Les Miserables, Hamilton, even The Little Mermaid.

Looking at this on the personal level... As people, we grow. We mature. We change. One of our very basic survival needs includes being connected- to feel close to other humans. And yet, if that closeness robs us of our freedom, we will rebel. (Often, this dynamic plays out as a decision to get divorced. I see it all the time.)

But what if that is just projection? What if we hold the keys to our own jail and can free ourselves?

In a marriage, a person may ask: Am I free to be who I truly am? Am I the victim of my circumstances or am I able to choose? Divorce, death and other traumatic events can force us to ask these questions. I do a lot of personal growth work and can acknowledge that the ability to choose comes in different forms. Recently, I was able to see the prison I had put myself in and let myself out with velocity.

Developmentally, as children, we experience closeness- the attachment process- which gives us an invisible belief system, our personal construct for safety and connection. But this can become stifling and confining. Traumatic events can create limiting beliefs to keep us safe. No matter what, growth will lead a person to question the limits that they have been operating under. As one becomes more conscious, one can choose to keep a limit or decide to let it go. Just because we've grown doesn't mean we have to ditch our entire value system. Maturity means taking responsibility for one's actions. And those actions generally reflect a person's value system.

Different people have different needs when it comes to freedom. May you find your fulcrum and experience both freedom and closeness.

Warmly,
Theresa

The Legacy of Story

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 13:49:41 GMT

Fall 2017

The Legacy of Story

"Who lives? Who dies? Who tells your story?"
- Lin-Manuel Miranda in Hamilton, An American Musical

Legacies take different forms...

Financial legacy- leaving money to children or to charity- can easily be identified. Culturally, we take the passing of land and wealth through generations as a given.

Artistic legacy- when a person's self-expression, be it painting, dancing, singing, or performing, influences others and inspires further development of beauty- also gets recognized.

Professional legacy- when a person makes a mark on their field. As President of the Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois ("CLII") this year, I hope that I have a bit of a legacy.

My favorite type of legacy- is the legacy of story. Growing up, we watched The Sound of Music every year. Raised Catholic, I loved the story. I wanted kids- Maria got to be a mother. They out-smarted the Nazi soldiers. There was song and dance. And it was a true story. As a senior in high school, I got to play Maria in our production. I got to be part of the legacy of her story.

I could go on with more examples but, in our culture, the most inspiring stories as legacy feature everyday people overcoming addiction and mental illness. They may have "inherited" a problem from their ancestors and then chose to re-write the story. Maybe they embraced a 12-step program or committed themselves to therapy.

The key, in my humble opinion, is to manage the stories we tell ourselves. And to know that if we don't like them, we can re-write them and leave the legacy of an inspirational story.

All the best,
Theresa

Breadwinners & Caregivers

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 13:43:23 GMT

October 2016

Breadwinners & Caregivers

Inside of me lives the Breadwinner and the Caregiver, two archetypes. Given the middle class suburban community I was brought up in, I connect my dad to the Breadwinner and my mom to the Caregiver.

Harkening back to the hunter-gatherer times, Dad did his part to go out into the world- a lawyer who worked hard to put a roof over our heads, food on the table, new clothes, vacations, and college educations. Although he was a caring man, he did not concern himself with day-to-day tasks that kept our house functional.

Harkening back to the hunter-gatherer times, Dad did his part to go out into the world- a lawyer who worked hard to put a roof over our heads, food on the table, new clothes, vacations, and college educations. Although he was a caring man, he did not concern himself with day-to-day tasks that kept our house functional.

Dad focused more on keeping clients happy and balancing the needs of the people who worked for him and the people he served. The humorous short hand- Dad made the money. Mom spent it.

But things have changed a lot since the 1970s. Nowadays, things are a bit more complex. In many households, both parents work and both take on caregiving duties. I know a lot of families with traditional roles but I know more families where each spouse incorporates aspects of both archetypes. And I personally think this is a good thing for a couple of reasons.

First, circumstances may change and force a person to do things that the other handled, for example, if a spouse becomes ill or if you get divorced. When that is the case, it's better to have familiarity with the other's "duties" if now you have to take care of both. More importantly, though, I have observed that when spouses share responsibilities in both arenas- they are more resilient, more understanding, more empathetic.

Whether your primary role is a caregiver or bread winner, remember to acknowledge and appreciate the other. Stay centered to maintain your health and your relationships. It is important to replenish your body and soul- take a walk, meditate, connect with a friend. Step out of your role to gain clarity- then jump back in with joy!

All the best,
Theresa

Who Journals?

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 13:36:58 GMT

December 2015

Who Journals?

In fourth grade, I got my first diary, a 4" x 6" hard book with a buckle lock and a pretty pink and yellow cover. In seventh grade, I had so much to say that I used sheets of notebook paper - 3 to 6 per day - to chronicle every detail. "Mary and I were going to go to White Hen with Sue but her brother came home so we walked over to Ann's house instead." A few months ago my mother found the pages while cleaning out a closet.

As I grew up, my journaling activities got more mature. I have taken workshops and used journals in a variety of ways. So far, seventeen bound books are filled with "me writing to myself." I say that because - going back and reading them - many entries consist of a dialogue between what some would call my higher Self and me. Another tradition might label one of the speakers as my "ego."

Journaling can be simple - just writing down what happened during the day or keeping a gratitude journal . It can be complex - check out Ira Progoff's Intensive Journal method. His methodology includes written dialogue, as well as expanding on meaningful images.

The key is to be open and accepting of whatever you have to say. As you practice sharing it privately to your Self, you will get more comfortable and confident to share it with the world.

So, imagine, you have a journal, a comfortable chair, a quiet moment ... what are you writing about?

All the best and Happy Holidays,
Theresa

This morning, I decided to come from JOY and DELIGHT. The day was great.

Fri, 21 Aug 2020 14:22:38 GMT

May 11, 2018

This morning, I decided to come from JOY and DELIGHT. The day was great.

Let’s go back to yesterday – I work as a Collaborative Lawyer. As such, I help divorcing people transition with dignity and respect. I get to work with other professionals who share the same commitment to transparency and healing. Usually, I love my job.

Let’s go back to yesterday – I work as a Collaborative Lawyer. As such, I help divorcing people transition with dignity and respect. I get to work with other professionals who share the same commitment to transparency and healing. Usually, I love my job.

AND – I am committed to transformation. My Landmark Education kicked in a few times. Most importantly, yesterday, I wrote down my intention for a class (Wisdom) that I am registered into that starts in June. My intention – “To live from JOY and DELIGHT rather than duty and obligation.” And I am enrolled in “The Science of Personal S.T.Y.L.E.” with Liana Chaouli where we are tapping into our true nature so that it can be expressed fully. I am having so much fun.

So this morning, getting in my car to go to that meeting – a meeting that I thought should have been cancelled with a briefcase full of paper that I didn’t want to carry, it occurred to me… I want to live from JOY and DELIGHT. … So do that. I didn’t directly “counter” any of these things that I didn’t want. My perspective simply shifted.

I arrived at the meeting – spoke to the attorney – told him that I found it challenging, but here are the things we needed to talk about before the clients arrived. There was no “make wrong” in my voice. I genuinely felt gratitude for his presence, his contribution and our ability to work together. And it was not “perfect” – but it was what it was.

During the meeting, all the people at the table seemed to feel heard. My client expressed satisfaction with the outcome and the process. I answered her questions. We lined up our next steps. (The inner critic didn’t even show up to list all the ways that these to-dos could have been avoided. That just showed up for me now.) But here is the kicker – during the meeting, we had a neutral professional at the table. She said, “Wow, you guys are essentially done. This went so smoothly and so quickly. This is why I love the Collaborative Process.” The other attorney agreed. He pointed out that we got so much done so quickly. And the clients agreed. They have seen friends and neighbors go through such a long, drawn out, painful process that they feel blessed to have found us.

This one’s for the girls…

Thu, 20 Aug 2020 21:56:58 GMT

December 2014

This one’s for the girls…

To the mother of the young daughter who is super creative, the child who is okay with reading on the playground rather than in the gaggle of little girls…

It’s okay.

Who is a person? the body? the personality? the spirit?

If energy is neither created nor destroyed, then when a person dies their energy just changes form. We know that the cells in the body are constantly turning over – still there is a unifying identity that does not change.

Likewise, your daughter’s personality today is one form of a series of forms that has cohesive, unifying principles over time and over lifetimes.

Same goes for you. Same goes for your mother.

When we shift OUR identity to the BIG I rather than the little “i” and we relate to their BIG I rather than their little “i” – ego stuff fades away. Worry. Fear. The need to control. That stuff just doesn’t matter.

Love. That is all that matters.

Cycles are everywhere. Do you sit inside the cycle? On the roller coaster simply aware of what is right in front of you – feeling with all your senses all that is to be felt. Or are you across the park – able to view it (the whole thing) from a distance.

Where is the fun? On the ride.

Where is “understanding”? Viewing from a distance.

You can’t have both at the same time.

Get down and dirty with your daughter (or your mom) (or your Self). That’s where the fun is.

If you want to understand it – step back. Go into your Higher Self (the BIG I) to get perspective. It will be “drier” and it might make sense.

But then dive back in… That’s where the fun is.

(Postscript – I keep singing the line from “Blinded by the Light”… I never knew it was written by Bruce Springsteen.)